no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
