Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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