there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to calm my uterus...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
