I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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