Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
