Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
