I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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