I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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