I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
