Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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