just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
