Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
