he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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