i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
