A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
