so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
this will be a night to untag.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
