you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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