I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i dont even know how to be here
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
