That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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