sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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