one two three fourrrrnication!
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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