Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
