my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
