I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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