Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
