my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
