Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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