She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
