well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
