Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
