Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
