god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
