i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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