I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
