Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
