There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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