dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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