I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
