Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
