Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
