dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
