What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
