I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
