i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
