i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
