Having a random hookup so left but love u
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
