Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
