More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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