She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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