You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
